* Although I am too proud to beg, and may appear to be a very
independent creature, I ask for your loving care and attention.
Translation: I’m the boss, serve me.
* I rely on you for my well being much more than you may realise.
Translation: Go out and earn money to keep me in the style to which I intend
to become accustomed.
* This I promise you, my benefactor, that I will not be a burden on
you nor will I demand more of you than you care to give.
Translation: The more attention I get, the more I want. You may have to hire
another slave for me (by the way, I lie!).
* I will be a quiet peaceful island of serenity for you to gaze upon;
a soft soothing body to caress, and I shall purr with pleasure to rest your
* Translation: I will tear round the house smashing ornaments at 3
a.m., infest the house with fleas, and bite your mother when she comes to
visit (did I mention that I lie?).
* Since I am a gourmet who appreciates different taste sensations, I
pray you will give me a variety of nutritious foods and fresh water daily.
Translation: I need Evian water, changed at least six times per day, chilled
but not too cold. Any food offerings that you make, no matter how expensive,
will be turned down if I think there is a chance that I can scrounge the
three day old bread that next door put out for the birds.
* You know dear friend, how I love to sleep. Allow me, I pray, a warm
sheltered place where I can rest peacefully and feel secure.
Translation: Don’t you dare wake me, I know where you sleep, and will get
revenge – claw type bloody revenge!
* If I am wounded in battle or suffering from disease, please tend me
gently, and see that I am treated by loving and competent hands.
Translation: I reserve the right to mangle the most expensive hands you hire
to treat me.
* Please protect me from the inhuman humans who would hurt and torture
me for their own amusement. I am accustomed to your gentle touch and am not
always suspicious nor swift enough to avoid such malicious acts.
Translation: If you ever find out that it was me who bit your mother’s thumb
and gave her tetanus, I’ll have to claim that she woke me up when I was
having a bad dream.
* In my later years when my senses fail me and my infirmities become
to great to bear, allow me the comfort and dignity that I desire for my
closing days and help me gently in my pain or passing.
Translation: When I’ve had enough of being pampered, please send me to my
next reincarnation, where I look forward to being satisfactorily served once
* Hear this prayer, my dear friend, my fate depends on you.
Translation: I might just accept you as slave, if you behave yourself.