Stray Cat Rules

by Rebecca on December 31, 2005

in Animal Jokes

Strict, Unbending Rules for Dealing with Stray Cats

1.  Stray cats will not be fed.

2.  Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food.

3.  Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food moistened with
a little milk.

4.  Stray cats will not be fed anything, except dry cat food moistened with
warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.

5.  Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent
residence.

6.  Stray cats will not be petted, played with, picked up and cuddled
unnecessarily.

7.  Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will
absolutely not be given a name.

8.  Stray cats with or without a name, will not be allowed inside the house
at any time.

9.  Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house, except at certain
times.

10.  Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house, except on days ending
in “y”.

11.  Stray cats allowed inside, will not be permitted to jump up on or
sharpen their claws on the furniture.

12.  Stray cats will not be permitted to, jump up on or sharpen claws on the
really good furniture.

13.  Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture, but must sharpen claws
on new .99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.

14.  Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.

15.  Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece,
high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh’n’Sweet kitty litter.

16.  Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan,
with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.

17.  Stray cats will sleep outside.

18.  Stray cats will sleep in the garage.

19.  Stray cats will sleep in the house.

20.  Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.

21.  Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with
non-allergenic lambs wool pillow.

22.  Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.

23.  Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot.

24.  Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers.

25.  Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers,
except at the foot.

26.  Stray cats will not play on the desk.

27.  Stray cats will not play on the desk, near the computer.

28.  Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk,
when the human is asdfjjhhkl;ljfd.;oier’puyykmm4hb USING IT.


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